47. Body Image

Amber: 0:00

Hello, hello, are you having a good summer? I hope so. Okay, this episode is part two of the interview that I had with Jana short, the editor of best holistic life magazine, which, I do have to say, I’m on the cover of this month, so check that out. Okay. We talk about why we think changing something on the outside will make us happy and what the real answer is. I touch on body image and what could be causing us to not like the way we look. Stay tuned until the end to sign up for a free webinar. So, I noticed the link was having issues last week. Sorry about that. It should work now. Okay, I know you’re dying to listen, so here you go.


Welcome to the show, Amber.


Thank you, thanks for, having me back.


By the way, you guys, if you have not listened to part one, she did a whole part before this what does belonging mean, and it was fabulous. She touched on some really fun stuff about being aware of what’s going on with our lives and why we’re trying to belong and maybe, if we’re doing it, right or wrong. So go back and listen to that. But, amber, I want to just jump into these questions right now and get going, because I don’t want to take away any of the goodness you have coming in this episode. Are you good with that?


Oh, absolutely!


Yay, so what is one of your clients’ main issues when they come to you?

Amber: 2:12

Oh, I love that you asked this question, because they think that they need to change something externally in order to be happy, and I know that I touched a little bit on this in part one. As far as we are chasing a feeling and this is one of the feelings that we’re chasing is we think that this needs to happen before we can be happy. Now, a lot of women and I know that there are some men out there too, but this is really an epidemic among women, and they think that they need to be thinner and not just thin, because some of them are thin but thinner. They always put an er at the end of anything younger, thinner, prettier, right and it’s never achievable because there are always just a few more pounds or another wrinkle or yeah, there’s always something else And they have in their mind what they think beautiful is, but it’s always something that they’re not. They want less wrinkles, they want clearer skin, they want lighter skin, they want darker skin. They basically want what they can’t have. I remember growing up, I had some friends who had really pretty curly hair and I burned my hair because I and my hair is stick thin, and so I either curled my hair all the time, or I permed my hair because I just wanted curly hair And I thought curly hair is what was going to make me happy. And maybe it did temporarily. But guess what? The other problem, the issue was, chasing happiness, and so when the curly hair didn’t do it, shocker, oh, it must be something else that I need to do to be happy right,

Jana: 4:13

I love it. But, Amber, you’re not saying we shouldn’t care about how we look, are you?

Amber: 4:17

Oh no, absolutely not. I think you know what I’m talking about is. This is from a worth perspective, on how worthy we actually think we are because of how we look. We really get stuck in the mindset that we aren’t good enough to be with someone or be someone if we don’t look a certain way, and sometimes we do this all in trying to be good, just like I was talking about in part one. You know, somebody says, oh, you really married up and they’re insinuating that your partner’s beneath you in some way, or that you are beneath your partner, and sometimes we are just saying that to be complementary to their partner. Right, but then what is that unspoken meaning behind it? It means that we think that people are better or worse, and that just isn’t true. We definitely just need to figure out how we want to look, and then we strive for that. But it’s because that is what’s right for us not to feel like, oh, now I’m worth something, now I’m a better person. Now, the best news is, when we start dressing in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves which is different for all of us then there is just something magical that happens We start thinking differently about ourselves, we start seeing ourselves as someone who is worthy and we become more confident and we smile more and we just behave differently and that is what is so attractive. So, we just need to figure out what our style is and the way that we want to dress and how we want to care for ourselves first, all because we know that we are worthy. And then we start showing up as someone who believes that they are worthy, but never changing our outside appearance, thinking that that is going to create more worth.

Jana: 6:37

So, Amber, I see this on a daily basis when I do photo shoots and people come and they have to dress for this. You know the shots they’re getting. When they wear something, they think they’re expected to wear and we look back at the photos, they look stiff, awkward, they are not comfortable. But when they’re in something that their fun outfit, basically that they don’t care what they look like they literally light up and shine in those photographs, because they’re showing up in their comfort zone, how they feel amazing, right with dangerous and I can see it through the lens of the camera a totally different person. So, you’re absolutely right. I want to talk a little bit about what did you mean when you say they think they need to change something externally in order to be happy.

Amber: 7:23

Right, and when I say they, I mean we right. We think that we need to change something externally to be happy, and it’s because we are thinking that we aren’t fitting in in one way or another. So, we think that that scale needs to say a certain number, then we can be happy. Or if we’ve looked younger and got rid of some of our wrinkles, then we’d be able to accept ourselves. But how many of us have seen that number on that scale, or had less wrinkles or a smaller stomach, and then after a while it just isn’t enough. We start noticing our hair turning gray or we hate the loose skin that we have because we have freed so much weight off. We don’t even notice all of the effort we put in to freeing weight off of our bodies. We just obsess over that skin that is so loose and wrinkling. Now we think that it is something outside of us that needs to change in order for us to be happy. But it all starts with how we are thinking internally.

Jana: 8:36

I love it. So here is a question that I think is a key to everything, because I believe what’s between those beautiful ears of yours changes the world. So how do you battle internal thinking?

Amber: 8:48

oh, I love that you asked that question. Okay, we need to question everything. Question why do we think that way? We are usually ashamed by the way we look and that’s why we seek to change it right. And so why are we ashamed? What life experiences have we had, what external messaging have we brought into our minds in order for us to think that there’s something wrong with us? and we take those messages and then we just start to unravel the myths that our brains think our facts and we expose them. We expose them so that we can decide if that kind of thinking really is serving us. Something that I teach in my signature program is about sneaky salesmen, how to recognize her and how she is really hurting us.

Jana: 10:00

So, Amber, what I really want to talk about next is what ages do you think are affected by poor body image because I don’t know. I want to know what you’re gonna say.

Amber: 10:06

I know we all think there’s some age and currently there is an age group, but here is the crazy thing It shifts all the time. And let me tell you one thing that I think is crazy. All right Now. First of all, I think it’s rampant in most females, but I didn’t really understand how rampant it was until when my daughter was in second grade, and this was years ago. I am 47 people, so she was. She is like done with college now. So, anyways, she was seven years old. And guess what they were comparing sizes of? They were comparing their wrist sizes. Wrist sizes, what? I mean that’s something that you can’t even you have no control over at all. Right, and so you’ve got women. So, you’ve got the really young girls, and then you’ve got the women in their 20s that they do not like it when the guys give them their cat calls, but then when they reach their 40s, they struggle because they are no longer getting those cat calls. We are a species of comparing and wanting to fit in. So as long as the health and beauty industry are marketing to us on why life would be better if, if we were thinner, if we had less wrinkles, if we were fairer, if we were darker, then we’d be happier, and we continue to keep buying into those ideas, then I think it is just going to become more and more of a problem. So, here’s the thing I actually do talk, in that I think it’s the next episode or the next one after that, about what age group is really struggling the most right now. But what I can tell you is I just read I believe it was yesterday that women ages 20 to 30 right now they are projecting that within the next five years, $70 billion will be spent on plastic surgery.

Jana: 12:24

Crazy. Oh my gosh, that blows my mind. I can’t wait to hear about the rest of it. You guys, I want to just tell you real quickly if you did not listen to part one, what does belonging mean? Go back and listen to it. We broke this into four bite-sized pieces for you. We just went over body acceptance. You are now listening to the secret of falling in love with Amber Wynn, and before we go, Amber always shows up like she shows a big for her clients And I know she has a beautiful offer for all of you. Amber, do you want to tell them about the offer?

Amber: 12:54

Yes, totally. Thank you for offering Okay. So I have got a webinar that I’m putting on where I am going to teach you, and then I’m also going to give you an opportunity to talk to me live, and so this is not prerecorded folks, this is live with me And I am going to teach you how you can create deeper belonging within yourself, how to embrace your authenticity and how to cultivate self-compassion. Now, before we go, I also just wanted to say one other thing about body acceptance. A lot of people think I’ve got a positive body image, and a lot of people think that positive body image is that they think that their body looks good. But what we don’t realize is having a positive body image is not that your body looks good. It is deeply, fiercely understanding that our bodies are good. There is no question about it. Our bodies are good, and they offer us so much more than how they look, and I dive deeper, way deeper into that in my signature program. I love this part, especially just because I still suffer to it today, because my sneaky salesman still tries to tell me things that are outdated thinking, but I know how to battle her now, and so that’s my soapbox. I’ll step off now.

Jana: 14:27

Actually, I love that you got up there. You guys go to part three and listen to self-confidence. And again, if you haven’t listened to part one, what does belonging mean? This all works beautifully when you listen to one, two, three and four together. So, thank you so much, Amber. We’ll talk to you in the next episode. Thank you, Bye.

If you’re looking for a life coach, I’d love to be yours.  If you want to lose weight, better your relationships, or need help with crafting your confidence, I’ve got you!  go to myinnerlove.com and sign up for a free mini-session today.

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