28. Like a Queen

Hello, my beautiful friends!  How are you?  So my washer is fixed and has been washing, washing, washing ever since!  Boyd was so great to come over and replace the part I needed.  Because it was the same part as last year, he said he’d take care of the warranty and fixed it all for free.  He’s such a great guy! 

Can I just tell you how blessed we are to have washing machines?  I feel blessed to have so many things and so many wonderful people in my life, but how magical is it that we can just put our clothes in and all the different detergents, softeners, and bleaches in their own compartment, turn it on and tell it what kind of clothes they are and then press start.  From there, it washes and adds all the product in at all the right times, I get to go on with my day and a little while later, clean clothes. Magical!  Who’s living the dream with me!?!

When I was little, I’d dream of being a princess one day.  I loved watching princess movies.  I loved watching them get pampered and waited on and dress up in fabulous clothes.  Of course, now that I’m older, I realize that what I was capturing in my little mind was far from what reality really was.  Even for a queen!  And even in the movies, the princesses had some kind of protagonist against her or some obstacle to overcome before their happily ever after came.  And the queens and princesses I watched were always able to overcome with grace and wit and, if I’m remembering correctly, a little insecurity and a whole lot of courage.

I figure you’re all familiar with the phrase, “like a boss” which means to do anything with stylish confidence or authority.  So what does “like a queen” mean?

I know I only see what the media allows me to see from actual royals, but it got me thinking about how I’d like to show up if I were a queen.  And honestly, we are all queens of our own lives.  (And kings for the men listening.)  And what I mean by that is we rule our own lives how we want to.  What we say, how we feel and react is all up to us.  So can you rule your own life with stylish confidence and authority?

When I think about queens and royalty, I believe they possess qualities that keep them moving forward, progressing in their lives and for their people.  First, I think queens are assertive.  Some people think that being assertive can show up in a rude way because there is a bit of a force behind it.  But being assertive is respecting yourself for your own desires and interests and being okay to share those thoughts with others.  I also think that it’s possible to be assertive in a caring way.  You can still keep other people’s interests in mind while still respecting  your own.  Knowing who you are and what you want is the first step in getting you on your journey of ultimate possibility. So what would being assertive while still showing care for others look like? 

It could be as simple as when someone asks you to do something that you honestly don’t have time to do, you say, “I really want to help you, but I can’t take on one more thing right now so I have to decline.”  Or when you don’t agree with someone, “I really value your opinion and thank you for sharing with me, but I just don’t see it that way.”  It takes added vulnerability to show up that way because you don’t know how they’re going to react and it opens you up for the possibility of a less desirable response, but it allows you to stay true to yourself, respecting what you need, while respecting them as well.

Aside from their accents and little quirks on what words are considered a faux pas to say, queens speak their mind.  They don’t dance around what’s uncomfortable or give undecided commitments, they say it how it is, but with respect to the other person and themselves.  Instead of I’ll try to make it, yes I’ll be there, or no I can’t make it.  Instead of I’ll try to eat better, today, I’m going to feed my body for health. Or today, I’m going to love myself, no matter what.

I see a queen speaking to herself the same way others would speak to her.  When you speak to yourself as if you were royalty how would you address yourself?  Would it be with respect and with honor?  Would you value what you have to say?  Would you want to hear what you have to say? A queen’s opinion would matter to her. 

I see a queen holding herself in high respect.  They know who they are and that they are a person of great importance.  Not that they are more important than everyone else, but that they matter too.  They show up for themselves just as much as they show up for the people they serve. 

As a mother, the easiest thing for me to do is give up my own desires to serve my children.  I’ll give up my own comfort and sacrifice all my time and money to give them what I think they need.  The problem with this is when I haven’t taken care of myself and am tired and worn out and then the care isn’t reciprocated back from my children, I end up resenting them and wishing I hadn’t killed myself to show so much care. 

Now, when I’m not tired, and I’m not depleted because I’ve also given consideration to myself and my own needs, then it’s easier for me to allow them to be them because I’m good with me.  I’ve noticed that when I get caught up in doing for them at the expense of myself, it’s because I’m thinking it will make them happy and so I’m okay to sacrifice my happiness for theirs. But honestly, I want to be happy too!  So really what I’m doing is giving up my own ability to be happy because I’m hanging my happiness on if they are happy.  When they aren’t happy or respond entitled then guess what, I’m not happy.  I’m just irritated for how they don’t seem to care about me.

When I hang my happiness on their reactions, I lose sight of my own reasons for showing up and I feel resentful for losing all my precious time and energy.  Then I question if I’m a good mom which makes me feel worthless and then want to quit altogether and so I feel hopeless.  And before I know it, I’ve layered feelings of irritation, resentment, worthless and hopeless which are opposite to a feeling of importance. When I keep my own importance in mind, I’m deciding how I want to show up as a mom and when I show up that way, no matter how they respond, I’m still happy with me and I can still respect myself.

A queen realizes that she has the power to make a difference and uses that power for good.   Where can you make a difference?  I bet you’re already doing it.  In your home, your community, at your job? When you’re at the store, do you smile at the person passing you?  Do you teach your children respect for others?  Do you allow the car on the road to get over in front of you instead of behind you?  Do you open someone’s door for them?  Do you volunteer at your children’s school or at your church or in your community? Do you donate to charity? Do you donate blood? Do you pick up trash that’s not yours and throw it away?  Do you seek to understand people when they’re voicing their opinions and ask open-ended questions to understand them more?  Not necessarily to agree with them, but just to understand them.  I’m going to guess that you’re already doing at least one of the things, but probably many. many more.

Last, a queen is always looking to her future.  She has a vision for her life and speaks from that place.  She sees her potential and goes for it.   She’s not trying to do it perfectly because that’s not the goal, but she continues to keep her future in her sites and doesn’t spend her precious mind power spinning in the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s.  The only time she looks back is to learn from it and grow. 

Now that I’m older and hopefully a little wiser, I recognize that the only thing holding myself back from reaching total life domination is myself.  Sometimes I think small and shy away from my true possibilities because I can’t see myself of being worthy enough to acquire it and sometimes it scares me to think about the pain of doing what it would require to reach it.  Ultimately what it will take is to shift my mindset to start opening up to my own possibility.  

A queen will reach for the excitement of the future and bring it to her present to power her forward and stay committed to her purpose. She keeps her vision in focus. If I were to tell you where I am today on this, I’m a queen in training, but if I were to look to the future and bring that energy to the present I would be thinking:

I am a queen

I have important things to share

I speak with love and compassion for myself and others

I respect what I have to say

I respect what others have to say

I know where I want to go

I have a purpose

I am a queen!

Ok, my divas.  Get your royalty on and go out and rule the day!  

See you next time! Bye!

If you’re looking for a life coach, I’d love to be yours.  If you want to lose weight, better your relationships, or need help with crafting your confidence, I’ve got you!  go to myinnerlove.com and sign up for a free mini-session today.

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