15. Beauty

Hello all my Diva fans.  So glad you’re here!  I hope you’re all finding the inspiration you need to keep leveling up your lives.  I truly believe that you are making this world a better place. 

Today I’m going to talk about beauty.  When you think of something beautiful what comes to mind?  Is a rose beautiful?  Is a waterfall?  What about a chair?  I guess that depends on the chair you’re thinking of and what your definition of beautiful is.

Beauty is subjective, yet we tend to think we all know what beauty is and what it isn’t.  And my  definition of beauty is different from yours.  So what makes a person beautiful?  Is it their outer appearance? Their body size, how full or long their hair is? Their eyelashes?  How many wrinkles they have or don’t have?

When we stop and think about it, we can probably say, “no” and think we mean it, but  how many of us women find ourselves wishing we were just a little bit smaller, our eyelashes were just a little bit fuller and longer, our face was just a little but clearer, or smoother or less wrinkled?

If true beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what are you beholding? What are you seeing? What do you think?   Is your “true” definition of beauty something different then our everyday desires?  We each have an opinion about true beauty and a lot of it can be molded by what we’re seeing around us and what the world markets as beautiful at the time.  If we look at just the last couple of hundred years, the size and shape of beauty has changed.  And if we aren’t managing the thoughts of what our brains are taking in around us, we join the ride that the trends dictate. 

Throughout the years, the size and shape of beauty has changed.  Did you know that in the 1800’s an actress named Lillian Russel graced the covers of 50 woman’s magazines and seen as one of the most beautiful actresses ever.   She was celebrated for her curvaceous figure and superior beauty.  Lillian weighed over 200 pounds.  As the years passed and seasons changed, so did the idea of what was beautiful.  The curves were still trending when Marilyn Monroe was famous, but decade by decade, the definition of beauty changed into thin, size zero models who abuse their health and body to hopefully be good enough for the runway.

I can remember having to do physicals in H.S and my weight came in at 130 pounds and I was  so embarrassed.  I thought I was huge.  Funny how life changes and I’d be thrilled if I were that now.

So the idea of beauty has morphed and molded quite drastically.  Beauty is an opinion.  Is your opinion of what you think is beautiful serving you?  Does it cause you inner turmoil or inner peace?

Are you basing your own beauty from what is common or what is normal?  It’s common to scroll social media and get bombarded by the latest beauty products, promising you confidence and self-worth AFTER you make you hair shinier, or your skin smoother, or your light skin more glowing, or you dark skin lighter, your tummy smaller, your clothes cuter, your face younger.

It’s common to walk down the street and notice all the ways someone is prettier, skinnier, healthier looking.  It’s normal to have acne, it’s normal to have wrinkles, it’s normal to have cellulite, it’s normal to have uneven skin, it’s normal to have a tummy, especially if you’ve given birth to children.  And stretch marks and age spots.  For some it’s normal to have thick hair, for some it’s normal to have thin hair.  You have acne because you have hormones, you have wrinkles because you’ve enjoyed your time in the sun or you’ve spent a lifetime working hard in the name of love. 

Have you noticed if you are basing your beauty, and your idea of  beauty, on what is normal or what is common?  In these moments, love yourself instead of judge yourself.  Embrace the wisdom you’ve just gained and love yourself for noticing it.  I like to think we all have moments of clarity where we realize what we’ve been thinking may not be serving us.  I’d love to say that I 100% base my beauty on what is normal, but I don’t.  I’ve come a long way, but I’m still working on it.  Do you know what else is normal?  To believe that everything that’s common is normal.  Or at least some of it.  It’s normal to truly believe that being skinny is better.  It’s normal to believe that a smooth, acne free, wrinkle free face is what we should aspire to.

That’s because of brain dripping.  It’s a message that slowly gets dripped over time.  For example, up until the late 90’s, a typical movie had a man for the hero and a beautiful woman with the perfect body as a supporting role needing rescuing.  It sent the message that women needed to be rescued and she would be because she was beautiful and thin and garnered the most trendy looks from clothes to hair styles.  Only 10 years ago, 25% of the movies had a woman as the lead role.  Only 3 years ago, now almost 50% of the top 100 movies have a female as the lead role, but notice what they look like.  And what do you see on the cover of magazines?  It’s typically glorifying beautiful women and shaming them when they are caught without makeup or have cellulite. 

So if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what are you seeing? My brain can’t reconcile wonder woman looking anything else than what she is because we’ve made super heroes out to be, well, super.  My husband and my son loves watching the Avenger movies and so in Endgame when Thor, Chris Hemsworth, came out with a beer gut and a long scraggly beard, my brain was like, no, that’s not right.  And he did a great job portraying a character who was lost and unmotivated.  So does that mean that every person who has a ripped body has it together and every person who is overweight and scraggly lost?  Of course not. When we take a look at it and think about it, we know that doesn’t make sense, but when we don’t question it, what the brain is taking in as what’s acceptable and what’s not is one drip at a time. One movie at a time, one character at a time, one magazine cover at a time, one social media post at a time.

One of our main goals as human beings is to be considered “acceptable” because when we’re accepted, we’re part of a tribe, we’re safe from being cast out and left to the dangers of the jungle. There is safety in numbers and our lower brain reminds us of this daily.  It’s always scanning for “what’s acceptable now” it wants human connection, it craves the safety of the tribe. So are you normal?  Absolutely!

Would you like to journey beyond the land of normal and break free form common thinking?  Have you thought about what true beauty means to you?   Do you practice thinking this every day?

Who is the person you most look up to?  Tell me 3 reasons why.

Are they creative, talented, thoughtful, compassionate, driven, spiritual, up-beat, fearless, motivating, carefree?  Or do you look up to them because their hair is shiny, or they are super skinny or their lips are perfect?

It’s okay if you do, but I’m guessing you look up to them because of their attributes and their character of who they are as a person.  When you thought of the person you look up to most, was it you?  If you’re me, the answer was, (scoff) “uh, no” But why not you?  Think of all the amazing things you’ve accomplished in your life.  At the very least, you learned how to walk, you’ve learned at least one language, you’ve overcome trials and heartache, you’ve pushed through the great unknown and uncertainty at least once because we all went through COVID, but I’m guessing you’ve pushed through time after time after time again.  You’ve conquered challenges and have made many lasting, wonderful, amazing memories. So why…not…you?  Why shouldn’t your first answer to the person you look up to most be “you!  100% you!”  Because I’m guessing there are people who look to you for the beautiful, strong, amazing person you are.  And there’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself. 

If you’re like me, maybe you’re thinking, yeah, but, I have this downfall and that weakness.  I have so many reasons why it shouldn’t be me.  Do you think the person you thought of a few minutes ago doesn’t have any weaknesses?  Any downfalls?  Of course they do, and when you stop and think about it, they are just as human as you.  They are 50 % a mess and 50% amazing, YOU are 50% a mess and 50% amazing. 

Maybe you’re just focusing on YOUR 50% a mess and THEIR 50% amazing. 

Maybe you’re thinking that’s so prideful to think that you look up to yourself.  I’m not saying don’t look up to anyone, but yourself.  I’m not saying don’t aspire higher.  How can you have your own back if you don’t believe in yourself?  I’m not talking about believing you’re better than everyone else.  That’s pride.  I’m talking about believing that, or at least you’re acknowledging you’re 50% amazing parts.  Your ability to recognize your 50% amazing side of you, you are just as amazing as the person you look up to, is going to allow you to have your own back. To appreciate you for who you are and all you’ve been through.

If you were to intentionally choose thoughts, what could you think about yourself that drives you to love yourself, for who you are, right now, as you are?  What do you need to believe that would drive you to inner peace instead of the constant self-judgement and comparison that we all seem so good at?

Perfection does not breed acceptance.  Your beauty is not determined by the current trends of society.  The opinion of others are just that, their opinion.  There is no truth to it unless you choose to believe it.

What is your opinion of yourself?  You are enough just the way you are.  If you don’t believe it, you can learn to believe it.  Just like the brain dripping that society deployed on us, we can choose to look for ways to brain drip the opposite. 

I am learning to believe I am enough just the way I am.

When I see others and start to judge or compare, I remind myself I am beautiful too.  They are beautiful and I am beautiful too.  Look for ways to discredit the judgements your mind is offering and know that it’s not true.  It’s just the affect of societies “common” marketing strategy.

It’s so interesting because I still catch my brain having thought errors.  I was driving to my sisters the other day and I had my weight on my mind and how I’m not still where I want to be.  I saw this girl standing on the side of the road with her back to me.  She had a nice slender body and I could tell she was talking on the phone.  My brain offered, “she’s skinny. She must be so happy.” I pass her and glance at the front side and she’s balling.  It’s like I slapped my mind and said wake up!  Skinny does NOT equate to happiness.  Ask any skinny person and I can guarantee her 50% hard was just a different hard than mine.  Such an eye opener for me to catch my brain in action, not even realizing that that’s what I was thinking.

Learn to appreciate the beauty you hold.  The word appreciate means “to recognize the full worth of it.”  If you’re struggling to accept yourself for who you are, don’t judge yourself for it.  Just notice that you haven’t recognized it.  Your worth, your beauty is already there.  You have it.  Now we need to work on you recognizing it. Recognizing the full worth of it so you can appreciate you and your beauty.

Can you pick a thought about yourself that feels just 10% less awful then the one you currently have for yourself?  If you’re thinking, “I hate my tummy”, does “I’m learning to hate my tummy less” feel just 10% better?  If you’re thinking, “I hate my wrinkles” can you think, “All humans have wrinkles and I’m a human.”

Or as one of my husband’s favorite country artists sings, “those are wrinkles there ain’t nothin’ to be scared of, they’re just a product of time and true love”

Who said wrinkles were a bad thing?  I don’t know who said it first, but I imagine it was a salesman, trying to push a beauty product. Trying to make you believe you could look so much younger, DRIP, because you know, if you look younger, you’ll feel younger. DRIP If you look better, you’ll feel better. DRIP. If you feel better, you’ll feel better about yourself. DRIP. So now there’s nothing wrong with you because you feel good. DRIP Sneaky little salesman.  Did you catch all the brain dripping? 

Let’s review that without the drips: you could look so much younger, because you know, if you look younger, you’ll feel younger. If you look better, you’ll feel better. If you feel better, you’ll feel better about yourself.  So now there’s nothing wrong with you because you feel good.

Who wouldn’t want to buy happiness in a bottle?  Sounds great!  He just sold why wrinkles are bad, so you’d buy his product.  He became rich by selling you an idea that there’s something wrong with you. Then he sold you on the idea that he holds your solution to the happiness you never knew you were missing. Can you hear it?  Drip, drip, drip.  Marketing continued, they found the popular stars and influencers to push this “cure” to your unknown lack of happiness and eventually a society-wide belief that “wrinkles are bad” went from an annoying drip to Niagara Falls.

How much time have you spent beating yourself up and breaking your self down?  Be aware that you built that habit.  Yes, beating yourself up is a habit.  Rebuilding yourself may take time too.  Here’s the challenge.  If you are one who struggles to find your own love for yourself, will you do the work to start moving towards the day when I ask again, “who do you look up to most” you can say with full belief in yourself, “me!  100% me!”

As for beauty, we all have our opinions on what is beautiful and it’s my opinion that you are each beautiful and amazing!

If you’re looking for a life coach, I’d love to be yours.  If you want to lose weight, better your relationships, or need help with crafting your confidence, I’ve got you!  go to myinnerlove.com and sign up for a free mini-session today.

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