2. Future Focus

How’s your week been so far? So mine has been actually quite relaxing sprinkled in with just a little bit of crazy. My son got his learner’s permit to drive and he is so funny because we decided to go out to practice and he thought I was thinking something totally different than what I was actually thinking he’s of the generation that always has to have noise in the background and he could not stand the silence. So he decided to like narrate the whole drive. It was so funny anyways, that was my little bit of crazy. And I think he’ll be a great driver. It was fun. Anyways, today, I want to talk to you about your focus specifically, where is your focus? You know, when we’re getting ready to start something new research shows that our imagination and our memory centers light up together, looking to the future can be so much fun when you’re thinking about all of the possibility of what it might look like and who you’re going to be.

It’s kind of like creating from a blank canvas. However, when the memory center lights up for some of us looking to the future might be full of fear or skepticism because of the memories of failed past attempts. One thing that I have failed at the most are diets. So I’m going to share part of that with you today, but I want you to think about what your quote unquote diet is. Where do you think you’ve failed? The most? I have been on so many diets. They worked for a little while. Then eventually I’d gained it all back. And usually more. I started noticing my body and comparing it to others. When I was probably seven or eight years old, I distinctly remembered how my legs were bigger than most of my friends. I did not want to be bigger. I didn’t want to be different.

Consequently. I started to dabble in diets, so I’ve been dieting pretty much my entire life. I can remember my first diet. I was one, maybe two pounds away from my goal weight. And then I ate some sugar cereal and it was all downhill from there. And then there was the time when I was, again, just a couple pounds away from my goal weight, and then dessert was Berry pie and it was all downhill from there. On one of my diets in high school, I was within five pounds of my goal weight, and my mom got pizza takeout. Wasn’t something we got very often and my brain kept offering me if you donate it, now you’re going to miss out. So, because I was in scarcity mode, I finally had some and it was all downhill from there. Mom, if you’re listening, I am not blaming you for that.

Anyways. It was so crazy. I played the victim to my circumstances, thinking that I had absolutely no way around it. Thank heavens. I now know that the circumstances don’t cause my results, but that’s for another podcast. Do you remember the first time you failed at something? Failing is never a fun feeling. It’s always uncomfortable and embarrassing. Typically when we fail, we eventually arrive at the belief. There must be something wrong with me, or maybe a little less resolute. What is wrong with me? So it probably makes sense. If you’re thinking about starting something new, where you’ve failed before your brain might not be so onboard with the idea. In fact, for a time I had an aversion to dieting, I would get depressed and mad and ashamed, and I did a whole compare and despair self-loathing bit. I hated standing in the grocery store lines, looking at the magazines because they were promoting someone else who had lost a bunch of weight on this new diet truth be told.

I probably hated it so much because I used to buy those magazines and trying the diet and ended up failing at those too. Here’s the thing. Our brains are problem solving machines, and it wants to keep us from pain. One of the ways it does that is by looking to all of our past experiences. So what I’m thinking about a new diet red flags are waving. Alarms are blaring. Warning signs are flashing, bah, bah, bah! oh my sweet, lower brain, which I refer to as the toddler brain, when it offers these warnings. It’s just trying to protect me from the pain of another failure. This is when the adult brain AKA the prefrontal cortex must step in and calm down the toddler tantrum. The adult brain gets to listen to all the toddlers fears and worries, and then decides whether or not they’re valid. This is the best way I can describe it.

Imagine you’re walking down the hall and somebody jumps out and scares you from behind. in a split second, your adrenaline surges your heart rate, skyrockets your stomach and chest tighten. And for a brief moment, you feel like you’re in real danger. Then you turn around and notice. It’s just your five-year-old nephew trying to be funny. And your heart rate slowly returns to normal. Before you turned around, it was your toddler, brain screaming. We’re going to die. But then when you see who it is, your adult brain tells the toddler brain relax. It was a false alarm. No one’s dying today. So why do we need a toddler brain If it feeds us so much misinformation? Because sometimes it’s right. heaven forbid you turn around and it’s someone robbing your home. You’re going to want the adrenaline rushing so you can get away. If I allow my brain to look to the past, to determine if I’ll succeed at a diet, I would come to the conclusion, not a chance every single time.

So when you’re thinking about starting something new and you feel more fear than excitement, ask yourself why. Allow the toddler to speak and you may be surprised by what it’s saying, or you may hear it loud and clear and already know what it was going to say, and so then you can just tell it, relax. No one’s dying today. Allowing your brain to spin out in the past is going to have a hard time finding the motivation you desire to change your future. So let’s break out of the past you mold and start moving towards the future. You and you are the perfect person to get you there. Have you ever sat down and visualize the future? You, what does she look like? How does she act? How does she feel? I can remember for the longest time. I’d think if I could have one wish. it wasn’t something cool, like to be able to fly or a million dollars.

It was that I’d be a perfect size. Eight, no matter what I ate. Why a size eight? Well, my thinnest healthiest natural weight is a size 10. So it wasn’t even realistic to shoot for something that was impossible or at least unhealthy. It’s totally unrealistic to think I could eat anything I wanted and stay a size eight. So when you’re thinking about the future, you make it realistic. You might not want to get up at four 30 in the morning so you can make sure you got your workout in for the day. Yes. I used to do that too. And side note. I am not a morning person. So what is realistic? I don’t know. That’s something you each get to decide for yourself. For me at goal weight doesn’t mean that I won’t ever eat sugar again. How about instead of eating the whole plate of cookies, because I’m tired and stressed.

I slow down and ask myself, why am I stressed? And what do I need to do? It could be as simple as rest and a little compassion for myself. Future, you might actually go a couple of days without wearing makeup, or maybe she’ll still enjoy a Netflix binge once in a while. Again, you get to decide what that looks like. Aspire to be something better, but not unrealistic and definitely not perfect. Let me get, you started with some questions you can think about as you create the future. You imagine what the day-to-day life looks like for this realistic future. You, what new habits would she have? What time would she get up in the morning? What does she eat? What will she value? What would she continue doing? See, I know that you’re already doing a lot of great things and you wouldn’t want to leave those behind.

What does she want to experience more of? What does she do to reward herself? What does she do when she’s stressed? What does she think about herself as a person? What would she say yes to? And what would she say no to what would she surround herself with? Who would she surround herself with? How would she dress? I could go on and on, but I do value your time. Lastly, when we look to the future, our brilliant brains automatically get to work, mapping out how we’re going to get there, but just like Google maps. We need to know our current location before we can get to our destination. So who are you right now? Getting real with who you are now is your beginning on the road to the fabulous new you. So to make it easy, go back and answer all the questions to the future.

You, as the current, you then decide what mini goals you’re going to make on your journey, counting each one as a dash that will get you closer to that future you. Where has your focus been? Have you been solely operating a past experiences, possibly keeping you stuck without even realizing it, or maybe you’ve already mastered the old future. You, so you’re looking towards the new future. You maybe you’re a little bit of both wherever you are. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. So while accepting yourself for the beautiful person you are right now decide who you want to be tomorrow and then who you want to be next week, next month. And next year, the future is full of possibility. And I am so excited for you. All right, to wrap up in celebration of my podcast launch, I am giving away some fabulous prizes.

First of all, the grand prize, which is over a $600 value is going to be four private coaching sessions with me. The second prize is going to be a pair of air, pod pros. I kinda love these new AirPod pros because I don’t have the air pod ears, which means they don’t sit in my ears. Like I guess they were designed to. So they’ve got these fun little nubs. Now that stick in your ears easier for third prize is another fantastic price. It is a $100 gift card to Amazon. I don’t know anybody. Who’s not using Amazon these days. In fact, I kind of have a secret obsession with Amazon too, because I actually get to sit at my desk and look out my window. And every time I see the Amazon truck pull up and stop at my house, I get a little excited. And if I forgot what I bought, yes, it’s that bad. It’s kind of like Christmas. The last prize is fantastic as well because everybody who enters is going to get a worksheet that I put together that will help you refocus and start achieving your goals today. So if you enter, you will win in some way or another to learn more about the contest, visit myinnerlove.com/podcastlaunch. And I will be revealing the winners on an upcoming episode until next time have a fabulous day. Bye.

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